Sep. 18th, 2010 09:07 pm
archersangel: by helens78 (dreamsheep)
[personal profile] archersangel posting in [community profile] child_free
hello. i discovered this community via a post at the [community profile] followfriday  community & decided to come out as child free on my journal. and a few people unsubscribed from my journal. i support everyones right to subscribe/unsubscribe as they will but i've been wondering why they did it.

was it because;

1. i'm child free?
2. i parodied the song born free in my post title & the are fans of the song or movie?
3. i said i had issues with people who have 8 or more kids, yet  keep trying to have them?
4. i called out the duggars (of the show 19 & counting) on this and they are fans/friends/family of theirs?
5. i mentioned that God gave us free will & that includes whether or not we have kids and they didn't like me bringing God into it?

so my question to all of you is; have you lost any people in real life or on-line because of your choice to be child free?

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-19 03:10 am (UTC)
haruka: (aiba-pensive)
From: [personal profile] haruka
The only people I lost were my great-nieces and great-nephews because I wasn't comfortable around them when they were younger, so I avoided them. Now they're grown up, and we wouldn't recognize each other on the street if we fell over each other. It's too bad, but doesn't keep me up at night.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-19 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] hutchy
That's always a tricky situation, trying to figure out exactly WHY someone might be upset by your choice. All of your reasons could be valid - but I'm guessing #1 is most likely. They may also interpret your childfree-ness as hatred of everyone's children, or think that you're passing judgment on anyone who does choose to have kids. It's a gamble... depends completely on the persons who unsubscribed from you. There's no catch-all reason to explain it, though that would make things a lot simpler for sure.

I haven't had anyone abandon me because of my choice, but I have gotten in several arguments over it that caused *me* to stop talking to the other person. People who go through the whole bingo card without actually listening to my responses, for example... or people who make it clear that they don't trust my ability to make decisions for myself this early on in my life (I'm 20). Some people really aren't worth the trouble. I say that if they can't, at the very least, agree to disagree... then you might be better off without 'em.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-19 01:09 pm (UTC)
purpleparadox: (Default)
From: [personal profile] purpleparadox
I haven't lost any friends yet, but only because I guess they feel it's their duty to keep telling me how cute my kids would be and how I would be a wonderful mother and so on. Yeah, it's still not happening. No babies from me.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-19 04:17 pm (UTC)
manycolored: "Fortunately I am immune to its effect." (Default)
From: [personal profile] manycolored
There are some trolls out there that use child-freeness as one of their schticks. ("Kids under age 14 shouldn't be allowed in restaurants! I shouldn't have to pay taxes that support schools! Families are why there's crap on TV instead of high quality documentaries and indie films! Some mom leaked breastmilk all over me on the bus and I feel violated!") Maybe they have prejudices about the whole thing because of their experiences with one of those trolls.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-19 05:58 pm (UTC)
escape2everywhere: (Default)
From: [personal profile] escape2everywhere
I have, and more than one. Unfortunately, I happen to live with my mother, so I can't quite get away from her, but she made it very clear that she holds it as a personal insult. I already heard about 30 times about how huge of a mistake my tubal ligation was, blah blah blah. I made it clear to her that if she wants to have a daughter, period, then she better try accepting the one she has, instead of thinking of nonexistent grandchildren.

I saw very quickly how my "friends" reacted to the news I had my tubes tied. I had one who was sure until the last second that I couldn't possibly do it, because OMG TEH BABIEZ, I had more than one say "but that's so permanent!" (as if having a child isn't?) and others along the line.

After the op, it was interesting, to say the least.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-19 07:08 pm (UTC)
miang: Miang Hawwa (with Opiomorph), Xenogears: May God's love be with you (and there's nothing I can do). (Default)
From: [personal profile] miang
Only one, a RL friend who was...a little off to begin with. Apparently she took my position as an all-out assault on all my female friends who might potentially breed someday? (Meanwhile, one of those friends has a kid now, and surprise surprise, we're still fine.) Anyway, logic was not really her strong suit, and I'm better off in the long run for her departure, whatever the cause. :)

No one else I'd consider a friend has tried to back off when they've found out, but I have sometimes revised my own opinion of our closeness based on their responses -- people who try more than once to convince me otherwise get seriously downgraded.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-21 05:33 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] arcane_scholar
I can't speak for anyone else, and I think assuming what people are feeling or why they do certain things only leads to major problems. I can say that your post would set me uneasy if I were your friend. I'm not real keen on making judgments on other people's lifestyle and choices, especially because I don't want them making judgments about mine.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-28 06:48 am (UTC)
stardreamer: Meez headshot (Default)
From: [personal profile] stardreamer
As others have said, different people will have different reasons; you'd be better off asking them, if any of them are people you would miss having around. If not... don't rent them space in your head.

I don't think I've ever lost a friend (online or IRL) for being childfree. OTOH, I seem to have fallen in with a circle of friends who mostly don't have kids either, so it's far less likely to be an issue with anyone whose opinion I really value. I have lost a few friends after they had kids, but that was more the "we drift apart because they never have time any more" thing that happens with a lot of people; I didn't feel personally rejected because of it.


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